WONDERFALLS
"Nagging Dragon"
TEASER
EXT CAFÉ TABLE – DAY
JAYE looks anxiously at a stylized jade dragon.
JAYE
I really don't want to do this.
EXT CAFÉ - DAY
AARON and JAYE sit on opposite sides of a café table. The dragon is on the table between them.
AARON pushes it over to JAYE.
AARON
Mom wants you to do it.
JAYE pushes it back.
AARON
Just drop it off with Aunt Harriet and --
JAYE
-- and then try to escape from the guilt trip.
AARON pushes it back.
AARON
It's just one little visit?
JAYE pushes it back.
JAYE
But *you're* not doing anything!
AARON pushes it back.
AARON
I'm writing a dissertation.
Besides, it's an hour-long drive.
JAYE rolls her eyes. AARON stands. The DRAGON animates. JAYE eyes it.
AARON
Egg salad?
JAYE
Um....
DRAGON
Slap the mime!
JAYE
No!
AARON
But you said --
JAYE
I’m not talking to you!
AARON walks towards the café door, confused.
DRAGON
Slap the mime!
JAYE
I don't even know what that means. But no. And probably "ew."
A DOG barks. JAYE reacts. A shot of the DINER FACADE; there is a little food display -- a mime statue holding a plate of food. The DOG is barking at it, slobbering.
JAYE
Oh.
JAYE stands.
JAYE
Easy.
JAYE walks over, sidestepping the dog, and slaps the display. Its plate of food flies in the air; the food lands on JAYE. The mime display topples to the ground, across the entrance. The DOG, still drooling, barks like mad. AARON appears at the entrance.
AARON
Did you wa -- waagh!
AARON trips over the display and lands almost in the DOG OWNER's lap. As the DOG OWNER is cute and female, AARON smiles wanly. The DOG gets loose, and jumps towards JAYE. JAYE takes off screaming. AARON grabs the leash long enough for JAYE to get a headstart. The DOG gets loose. AARON gets up and limps after it.
EXT OUTDOOR ARCADE - DAY
JAYE runs by, screaming. The DOG runs by, barking. AARON limps into frame in the distance, wincing.
INT WONDERFALLS - DAY
JAYE scrambles in the front door. ALEC waits for her, checking his watch.
ALEC
Twelve minutes late, Ms. Tyler.
JAYE
I... I....
ALEC sniffs the air.
ALEC
Is that bacon?
JAYE
(so out of shape it isn't even funny)
Big... dog... trying to... eat me....
Behind her, the DOG appears at the door and barks.
Reverse shot of JAYE, who whips around and slowly backs away from the door. At the counter, ALEC also looks on. An attractive, elegantly-dressed Australian in her late twenties (CONNIE) walks by behind JAYE. JAYE backs into her, falls down, and CONNIE more or less falls into ALEC's arms.
ALEC
Connie!
CONNIE
We found each other!
They kiss passionately.
Reaction shot of JAYE, whose face registers the sort of mesmerized revulsion usually reserved for jaws-of-life car-wreck situations.
JAYE
Ew?
Behind her, the DOG looks on in puzzlement.
DOG
Bowr?
BLACK OUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
INT BARREL - BAR - NIGHT
JAYE sits at the bar. MAHANDRA looks on, a bit shocked, holding her tray. MAHANDRA puts a shot glass on the bar and pushes it towards JAYE.
MAHANDRA
Here.
JAYE
Thanks.
MAHANDRA
The mouth-breather was making out?!
JAYE nods. JAYE drinks.
JAYE
It's his long-lost love.
MAHANDRA
Your boss is, like, fifteen.
JAYE
Okay, his moderately-long-lost love.
They met in Chappaqua back in February.
MAHANDRA
Aw!
JAYE
And she said if they were 'fated to
meet again,' they would.
MAHANDRA
(beaming)
You brought them back together!
JAYE
(disgusted)
This is my boss! That is just... ew!
MAHANDRA
It's romantic. Gross, but romantic.
I mean, fate brought them together.
JAYE
Fate shouldn't want this.
ERIC approaches, sniffs the air curiously.
ERIC
Hey, is that bac--
MAHANDRA shoots ERIC a "no" look.
ERIC
Nothing. (off JAYE) Uh-oh. What happened?
JAYE
I mean she's much, much better-looking than him. She's older than him. I wonder if she could go to jail for this.
ERIC
(trying to sound casual)
Oh so this is... some guy
you wanted for yourself?
MAHANDRA
Her boss.
JAYE
It's sick.
MAHANDRA
(exiting)
She just can't stand to see
other people who are happy.
JAYE
(following)
Oh, and that's a bad thing?
ERIC shrugs.
INT WONDERFALLS - DAY
CONNIE and ALEC are halfway between flirting and making out.
CONNIE
You have the cutest eyes.
ALEC
No, you have the cutest eyes.
CONNIE
No. Wait --
CONNIE pulls ALEC towards a better-lit area.
CONNIE
Stay over here.
ALEC
Huh?
CONNIE
Where I can see you.
ALEC
Aw.
CONNIE
I want to see that dance!
ALEC
Okay. Okay.
ALEC, with perfect confidence, does a dance that is quite embarrassing.
CONNIE
Oh, and the song too!
ALEC starts singing.
Whip-pan to JAYE, sitting at the counter, pointedly looking away from the scene in disgust. JAYE looks towards the front door and grins as the bell jingles.
JAYE puts a 'register closed' placard on the counter (to the surprise of a CUSTOMER) and strides across the store (carrying the dragon) to meet...
SHARON, who is walking in the front door.
SHARON
I have, like, two minutes and --
JAYE shows her the dragon. In the background, the singing finally stops.
SHARON
No. Noo-ho. Mom said you were doing it.
JAYE
But Aunt Harriet is fun!
SHARON
Two hours, Jaye. Two damn hours of "Why aren't you married yet?" And it takes an hour and a half to get there!
ALEC stomps up, CONNIE following.
ALEC
Jaye, nobody's at the counter.
CONNIE
Alec --
They bicker affectionately in the background.
JAYE
Sharon -- my boss. Connie.
SHARON
So nice to meet you both.
ALEC
No, but Jaye should...
ALEC, protesting weakly, gets tugged back to the well-lit area.
SHARON
(watches, a bit disgusted)
I need some fresh air.
EXT WONDERFALLS - DAY
SHARON lights up a cigarette.
SHARON
But Aaron isn't doing anything.
JAYE
Dissertation.
SHARON laughs, pauses.
SHARON
You let him off the hook with
*that* excuse?
JAYE
Circumstances intervened. There was a mime and a big dog and...
SHARON
What are you --
JAYE
(reluctantly)
Plus he has a sprained ankle now.
SHARON
How did --
JAYE
I didn’t... (suddenly earnest) I can't spend a long trip with (holds up the dragon) this thing.
SHARON
What's the big deal?
JAYE
(guarded)
It's no big deal.
SHARON
(checking watch)
Oooh! Court time!
JAYE
(looks back inside)
He's doing a chicken impression.
SHARON
Now, now. Just because you don't
have a relationship doesn't mean nobody
else can.
JAYE
What?
SHARON
Just getting you ready for Harriet!
JAYE
Oh. Great.
SHARON is already gone. JAYE looks back inside the store.
INT WONDERFALLS - DAY
JAYE walks back in, and cuts a wide berth around CONNIE and ALEC. CONNIE drifts away from ALEC and follows JAYE.
INT MANAGER'S OFFICE - DAY
CONNIE stops JAYE as JAYE is clocking out.
CONNIE
Jaye, I'm sorry.
JAYE
(snippy prepared speech)
You know, you have a lot of... (beat) What?
CONNIE
I've been making you really uncomfortable.
JAYE
Me? Uncomfortable?
CONNIE looks at JAYE.
JAYE
Yeah.
CONNIE
Look, I... keep forgetting that
Americans are so uptight.
JAYE
This isn't really an uptight thing.
It's more of an 'are you insane?' thing.
You're, like, three *presidents* older than
he is, and...
JAYE guides CONNIE over to where they can spy on ALEC. ALEC is doing something halfway between dancing and the chicken impression.
JAYE
Look at him!
CONNIE
I know.
JAYE
No, I mean... you're better than this!
CONNIE
(earnestly)
I love him.
JAYE's face turns slightly "I'm-not-going-to-cry"-ish.
CONNIE
I'll tone it down.
JAYE
(feeling a bit lousy)
Ok. Thanks.
CONNIE looks at ALEC.
CONNIE
Oh...
CONNIE goes back to hanging out with ALEC. A line of customers has appeared at the counter; they look around the store blankly.
JAYE goes back to clocking out. JAYE puts down the dragon, gets her time card, puts it in the machine. JAYE notices a cheesy greeting card from Connie pinned to the wall. JAYE looks at it thoughtfully, looks back at the happy couple, and smiles broadly. She clocks out and gets ready to go.
The DRAGON animates.
DRAGON
Break them up.
JAYE stops in her tracks, with a queasy "oh, no" look on her face.
DRAGON
Break them uh -- mph!
JAYE angrily stuffs the DRAGON in her purse
JAYE
Stupid dragon.
JAYE stomps out of the back room, and slams the door behind her.
BLACK OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
INT TYLER LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The TV is on. AARON sits in a recliner with his bandaged ankle elevated. SHARON enters from the kitchen, bringing an enormous bowl of popcorn to DAD, who has a George W. hat on. MOM sits off to the side, coolly drinking a martini and reading a respectable-looking novel.
SHARON
Isn't it time yet?
DAD
Almost!
JAYE enters through the front door, hauling a bag of...
JAYE
Laundry!
DAD
Jaye! You made it!
JAYE
("What in god's name are you talking about?")
Yes! I'm here! And so is everybody
else! Because of the....
SHARON
It's the State of the Union Address.
MOM
Aaron, I told you to remind her about it yesterday.
JAYE
(defensive)
Oh! Yeah. He totally did.
JAYE absently steals AARON's ottoman.
AARON
Ow!
JAYE
(non-sarcastic)
Sorry.
DAD
Aaron, why did you *run* on a
sprained ankle?
AARON
Jaye can tell the story better
than I can. Can't you, Jaye?
JAYE panics a bit, and impulsively plunks the dragon on the table.
JAYE
You know, I don't think I can be
trusted with this.
MOM
Is that Aunt Harriet's dragon?
SHARON
Oh, you --
DAD
You haven't returned that?
JAYE
It's important, and I've been so flakey
lately --
SHARON
You have not!
JAYE
Have too! Totally flakey!
AARON
Jaye is 100% correct on this.
JAYE
Thanks. Wait.
AARON
Can't you FedEx it?
MOM
One does not FedEx heirlooms, Aaron.
AARON
Why don't you and dad drive it over?
SHARON
That's what I was wondering.
DAD
We don't really talk to Aunt Harriet.
An awkward pause.
AARON
Okay.
JAYE
Well it's been years since Sharon
talked to Harriet!
SHARON
(sotto voce)
Yet I can still remember every
second of it.
MOM gives the dragon to SHARON.
MOM
Because I trust you.
SHARON hands it off to JAYE.
SHARON
It's a two-hour drive!
DAD
(hunkering down in his seat)
Hup! George time!
SHARON sits, dejected. SHARON grabs a handful of popcorn and glares at JAYE.
INT BARREL - BAR - NIGHT
JAYE sits happily at the bar. MAHANDRA walks by, stops, looks at her.
MAHANDRA
What is it now?
JAYE
Two things:
(counting off on her fingers)
I have clean laundry, and I don't have
to listen to my aunt tell me how useless
my philosophy degree is.
MAHANDRA
And you're not watching your boss
French kiss a woman twice his age.
JAYE cheerfully increases the finger-count from two to three.
JAYE
Three things!
(JAYE notices something)
No. Just two.
MAHANDRA turns around to see what JAYE is seeing.
JAYE sees ALEC and CONNIE sitting down to a table in the restaurant area.
MAHANDRA
That's them?
JAYE
Uh-huh.
MAHANDRA
*That's* his girlfriend?
JAYE nods.
MAHANDRA
Damn. That's wrong.
JAYE
It's not so bad.
MAHANDRA
Bad? It's against the laws of reality!
JAYE
You said it was fate!
MAHANDRA
I said that. I said it was
romantic, but that's when I
thought Connie was, like, reasonably
homely.
JAYE
But they love each other!
MAHANDRA
No good can come of this.
JAYE
(thoughtful)
So... what if I wanted to break them up?
MAHANDRA
You've had a change of heart?
JAYE
No, it's -- when you're right,
you're right, and they should have
a clean break.
MAHANDRA
(suspicious)
Okay.
JAYE
I could... okay, I could
make it look like Connie was
cheating on him, with... hmm.
MAHANDRA
This is fun, in an "As the World
Turns" kind of way.
JAYE
I wonder if I could get Aaron
to hit on her. No, I broke Aaron's
ankle.
MAHANDRA
What?
JAYE
(defensive)
It's not like that! I just
sprained it!
(MAHANDRA reacts, but JAYE ignores her.)
No, wait: she's Australian.
Sharon does immigration law.
(slaps bar triumphantly)
I could get her deported!
MAHANDRA
(a little disturbed)
We're still kidding around, right?
JAYE
Kind of.
MAHANDRA
Jaye, the only plan you need is
to make the girl see reason.
JAYE
I tried that. Even before
I needed a plan.
MAHANDRA
What?
ERIC wanders up.
ERIC
Nice dragon.
JAYE
Thanks. Know how to break up a couple?
ERIC picks up the dragon, examines it closely.
ERIC
Eh, adultery usually works,
but where are you going to find
a bellhop at this time of night?
MAHANDRA
(gestures at ALEC and CONNIE)
She's scheming a plan for
breaking up those two.
ERIC
(sizing them up)
He shouldn't be there.
JAYE
Somebody backs me up on this!
MAHANDRA
(worried)
Let me clear this up: when I
said this was wrong, I didn't mean
"go forth and destroy people's
lives."
ERIC
No, I mean: he shouldn't be here.
JAYE looks back with curiosity.
INT BARREL - RESTAURANT TABLE - NIGHT
ERIC and JAYE walk up to the table that ALEC and CONNIE are sitting at.
ERIC
Sir, can I see your ID?
JAYE
(sotto voce)
You called him "sir."
ALEC does an "I'll handle this" gesture.
ALEC
(to ERIC)
It's okay. We got by the bouncer.
CONNIE rolls her eyes.
CONNIE
We're not even *at* the bar. Technically.
ALEC puts his wallet on the table.
ALEC
I seem to have left my ID in
my wallet.
(Sees wallet on table.)
My, uh... other... wallet.
JAYE
Aright kid, let's go.
JAYE lightly drags ALEC out of the Barrel. CONNIE looks mortified.
ERIC
Jaye, you don't have to... hmm. (to CONNIE) I'll be right back.
CONNIE
Sure.
EXT BARREL - NIGHT
JAYE drags ALEC out the door. ALEC snaps his arm out of her grip.
ALEC
You are going to be in so
much trouble.
JAYE
You're underage!
ALEC
You didn't have to drag me away in
front of my girlfriend.
JAYE
Oh, it won't last.
ALEC
I love her!
JAYE
This cannot end well!
ALEC
What do you know about love?
JAYE
Oh, you...
(realizes she doesn't have a comeback)
You're like, twelve!
ALEC stomps off as ERIC walks up beside JAYE.
JAYE
And stay out!
(to ERIC)
Damn kids.
ERIC
You seem worked up about this.
JAYE
Me? No. Not worked up.
JAYE starts walking back towards the front door. ERIC follows.
ERIC
Not even a little worked up?
JAYE
I'm fine! Calm! Fine!
ERIC
Is there something I don't know
About here?
JAYE and ERIC happen upon CONNIE and a plain, cheerful woman (ANNE) with a bulky camera.
CONNIE
... and I'm still wired so
we can use all the footage
of the --
CONNIE notices JAYE and ERIC (who both look perplexed), and stops talking.
ANNE
Hi!
ERIC
I'm guessing there is something
I don't know about here.
JAYE
Yeah.
INT BARREL - BACK ROOM - NIGHT
JAYE, ERIC, CONNIE, and ANNE all stumble into the back room.
CONNIE
Look. Only the two of you know
about this.
JAYE
About what?
CONNIE
I'm about to tell you.
Only the two of you --
SHARON peers inside.
SHARON
Hello? Jaye?
CONNIE
Okay, the three of you.
ERIC
(to CONNIE)
Four, including you.
ANNE
I'm number five!
SHARON
(to CONNIE)
I remember you.
ANNE
(offers hand to SHARON)
I'm Anne.
SHARON
Hi!
MAHANDRA enters.
MAHANDRA
(to SHARON)
You found her! Good.
ANNE
Look! Six of us!
MAHANDRA
What?
JAYE
(to CONNIE)
What's going on here?
SHARON
Oh. I need the dragon.
CONNIE and ANNE look confused. JAYE looks in her purse, gets the dragon, gives it to SHARON.
JAYE
Wait.
SHARON
What?
JAYE
You can't have it yet.
JAYE takes it back.
SHARON
What?
JAYE
Things have gotten complicated here.
(JAYE puts it in her purse.)
I think I still need it.
SHARON
Okay, Jaye. Everything has its price.
SHARON exits.
JAYE
Okay. Let's talk about the camera.
CONNIE
(sighs)
Okay. It's for a reality TV show.
EVERYONE reacts.
MAHANDRA
That almost makes sense.
INT BARREL - BAR - NIGHT
MAHANDRA, JAYE, and CONNIE sit at the bar. JAYE is mildly drunk.
CONNIE
It's just a pilot. So we shoot
it, we show it to sky-7, it
goes well, then it's a series.
MAHANDRA
Yeah, but seducing a guy just
to make him look stupid on Australian
television -- isn't that a little...
CONNIE
("duh")
Well, we’re not having sex.
JAYE
It's still kinda skanky.
CONNIE
So you wouldn't watch it?
MAHANDRA
Oh, we'd watch it.
JAYE
But we'd feel very guilty about it.
CONNIE
My point exactly.
JAYE
So you'll just keep travelling
around, doing... this thing?
CONNIE
And becoming famous and fabulously
wealthy.
JAYE
Not all Americans will be as... eager
as the mouth-breather.
CONNIE
Oh, I could handle anybody.
MAHANDRA
You could... seduce anyone?
CONNIE scoffs. They all laugh.
JAYE
How about him?
A MAN in loud, nightclub-by clothes.
CONNIE
Whew. Just show up and pretend to be impressed with his clothes.
JAYE
Nice.
MAHANDRA
Okay -- him.
A MAN with a WOMAN in the restaurant section, talking intimately.
CONNIE
Hmm... don't show any interest, but hint that he could do better.
ERIC comes by, drops off the dragon.
ERIC
You left this.
The LADIES look back at him silently.
ERIC
I'll just go.
ERIC exits. MAHANDRA gives CONNIE a 'what about him?' look. JAYE shoots MAHANDRA a 'stop that' look. CONNIE smiles.
CONNIE
No, no. Jaye already *has* him.
JAYE
Hey, I don't... has... Eric here.
There's no 'hazzing' going on.
CONNIE
Just keep him guessing. Don't
reveal too much, and he'll keep wanting
to know more.
JAYE
What, just lie to him?
CONNIE
I didn't say that.
(CONNIE drinks.)
Just strategically withhold the truth.
MAHANDRA shrugs. JAYE reacts.
INT WONDERFALLS - DAY
JAYE enters the empty, dark store. The dragon is in her purse (unseen).
DRAGON
(muffled)
Break them up.
JAYE reverses the door sign to say "Open."
DRAGON
(muffled)
Break them up.
JAYE turns on the lights.
DRAGON
(muffled)
Break them up.
JAYE
No!
JAYE turns on the register.
DRAGON
(muffled)
Break them -- mmph!
JAYE has grabbed the dragon and yanked it out of the purse.
DRAGON
Break them -- ow!
JAYE plunks the dragon on the counter.
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
NO! This is weird! And
I don't want to get involved in
the weird! I've got plenty of weird
in my life already! I don't need
more weird!
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
They're only doing another day of
shooting anyway --
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
-- and then the game's up.
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
He thinks he's in love!
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
I really don't want to do this!
JAYE buries her head in her hands.
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
Fine. Fine. I'll tell him.
I'll tell him everything.
The DRAGON is silent. ALEC enters breezily.
ALEC
Good morning! I'm late.
JAYE
Huh?
ALEC
How are you, Jaye?
JAYE
Been better.
ALEC
Aw. You should fall in love.
JAYE
Yeah, about that. I've got something to tell you.
ALEC waits, cheerfully.
JAYE
And it can wait.
ALEC
I hope it's about how you're
going to face that video shelf
properly this time.
(JAYE winces.)
Oh, you can be like that but
frumpy is not acceptable on the
shelves.
JAYE
(angry)
Okay.
ALEC
And make sure you double-count
when you cash out –
(singsong)
you've been making mistakes.
JAYE
(angrier)
Okay.
ALEC
And try to smile.
(seriously)
Because... life is just plain good.
This puts JAYE over the edge.
JAYE
Lemme show you something.
JAYE quickly leads ALEC towards the door.
EXT WONDERFALLS - DAY
JAYE leads ALEC out the door.
ALEC
Hey! I bruise easily!
EXT ALCOVE IN THE SHOPPING ARCADE - DAY
JAYE leads ALEC to a spot where ANNE was filming. They have plenty of equipment set up. CONNIE is there, talking to her. CONNIE doesn't notice.
CONNIE
Once we have today's footage,
we fly back to Sydney.
ANNE
Hello!
ALEC
Connie -- what's going on?
CONNIE
(to JAYE)
You told him about the show, didn't you?
JAYE
(smiling)
Well, he knows about it now. Bye!
ALEC
Show?!
ANNE nods cheerfully.
ALEC
This is all some kind of... practical joke?!
ALEC sits down.
ALEC
Oh my god.
CONNIE
Hey...
ALEC
Tell me this isn't true.
CONNIE
I'm afraid... this was all for a reality TV show.
ALEC
For a what?
CONNIE
It was fake.
ALEC
You didn't love me at all?
CONNIE
No.
ALEC
(blinking back tears)
Ow?
CONNIE
(glaring towards the direction Jaye exited)
I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
ALEC
This is the worst day of my life!
Beat.
CONNIE
(to ANNE, gesturing at the camera)
You've been getting all this, right?
ANNE
Yeah!
ALEC
What?!
CONNIE
(pats ALEC on the back)
That's going to be the best footage
of the whole show!
ALEC
Hey! Give me that.
ALEC snatches the camera away from ANNE, runs off.
ANNE
Um... excuse me -- (to CONNIE) Sorry.
CONNIE
Get him!
They chase after ALEC a ways, and find the camera.
ANNE
The camera!
CONNIE
The tape?
ANNE
Gone.
CONNIE
He has it.
INT WONDERFALLS - DAY
CONNIE stomps in the front door, ANNE trailing in her wake. VARIOUS CUSTOMERS scatter in her path.
CONNIE looks at JAYE.
JAYE
What?
CONNIE
You've ruined everything!
CUSTOMER
I was in line! I want to buy this
darling little bear!
CONNIE glares at the CUSTOMER, who shrinks back.
JAYE
So I guess the honeymoon is over?
CONNIE
Follow me.
JAYE
Oh, don't --
CONNIE
NOW!
CUSTOMERS watch. JAYE eyes them awkwardly. JAYE slaps the "Register Closed" sign and follows CONNIE to the back of the store.
CUSTOMER
I want my bear!
INT - WONDERALLS - MANAGER'S OFFICE - DAY
CONNIE
You're getting that tape back.
JAYE
He's thrown it away.
CONNIE
The mouth-breather doesn't throw
anything away.
JAYE
Really?
CONNIE
Don't ask.
JAYE
Ew?
CONNIE
Look, he still trusts you.
Get the tape from him.
JAYE
Oooh... or what? You'll hit me
with a boomerang?
ANNE shows up with her camera and a little playback monitor.
ANNE
Okay, I've got them, and I have the
tape queued up!
JAYE
Tape?
ANNE
Yeah. Sorry about this.
CONNIE puts a little red tape in the machine.
JAYE
What?
CONNIE presses play, and it shows footage of JAYE at the counter arguing violently with the jade dragon, from earlier in the show.
CONNIE
How bad do you want this tape to disappear?
JAYE
I'll see what I can do.
CONNIE smiles at her, evil-ly.
BLACK OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
EXT STREET IN NIAGRA FALLS - DAY
ALEC walks down the street dejectedly. JAYE's car pulls up alongside and tracks with him.
JAYE
Hey.
ALEC
I don't want to talk to you.
JAYE
I'm sorry.
ALEC
No you're not.
JAYE
You're supposed to be at the store.
ALEC
So?
JAYE
I'm supposed to be at the store.
ALEC
Who's at the store?
JAYE
It's closed.
ALEC is shocked. ALEC concedes defeat and gets in.
JAYE
Hey -- about that tape --
ALEC shows her the tape.
ALEC
(eager to talk about it)
I've watched it over and over.
JAYE
(suddenly very interested)
That's the tape?
ALEC nods.
ALEC
Every time, I'm just pouring
my heart out, and... it's
like she just doesn't even care!
JAYE pulls a sharp right and speeds up.
ALEC
You missed the exit for the store.
JAYE
That's 'cos we're going to the airport.
INT AIRPORT - DAY
Near the ticket counters, CONNIE paces. ANNE sits nearby, enthusiastically playing with a small, portable video-gaming device.
CONNIE
We were so close!
ANNE pauses the game.
ANNE
Aw, Connie. We can just edit
around it!
CONNIE
That was the moment!
ANNE
What about dramatic re-enactment?
CONNIE
And what about a little thing
called 'integrity,' Anne?
ANNE goes back to the video game.
INT JAYE'S CAR - DAY
ALEC
You're kidnapping me!
DRAGON
(in purse, muffled)
Break them up!
JAYE
(to DRAGON)
SHUT! UP!
ALEC
Okay! Okay!
JAYE
We're going to return that tape
to Connie.
ALEC
What? Why?
INT AIRPORT - TICKETING AREA - DAY
ALEC stands in front of CONNIE. JAYE stands somewhere behind ALEC. ANNE films the proceedings.
ALEC
Because it's not mine. Because
stealing your tape was petty, and
I'm bigger than that. And sure, you
lied to me, but I forgive you, and
that's all Jaye brought me here to
say.
ALEC makes to exit. JAYE clears her throat loudly. ALEC stops, turns around.
ALEC
(handing over the tape.)
Oh. And here's this back.
CONNIE
(confused)
Thanks.
ANNE
(sniffling; quietly)
Wow.
CONNIE
You got all that, right?
ANNE nods peevishly.
CONNIE goes back, puts the videotape away in their luggage.
INT AIRPORT - TICKETING AREA - DAY
ANNE walks over to JAYE.
ANNE
You got him to say that?
JAYE
Yeah. While driving a hundred
miles an hour through highway
traffic. I was pretty convincing.
ANNE pulls out the red tape; shows it to JAYE; tosses it on the ground; stomps on it. The tape shatters.
JAYE
Thanks.
ANNE hugs JAYE impulsively. JAYE looks tense and uncomfortable.
ANNE picks up the pile of shrapnel, walks over to CONNIE.
INT AIRPORT - BENCH - DAY
JAYE sits in a chair. ALEC sits nearby.
ALEC
You were right. I feel better
now. Wow. Thank you, Jaye Tyler.
DRAGON
Break them up!
JAYE
(off DRAGON)
I've done my job. Just pipe down!
ALEC moves a couple of seats further away.
INT AIRPORT - TICKETING LINE - DAY
ANNE looks thoughtfully at the shattered red tape.
CONNIE
What is that?
ANNE
The crazy-lady dragon tape!
CONNIE
You just... broke it?
ANNE
You're right.
ANNE starts pulling the tape out of the broken casette, and crinkling it into a big wad. She throws bits of plastic and magnetic ribbon into a trash bin.
ANNE
I should be more thorough.
CONNIE
We were going to use that
tape anyway!
ANNE
But -- you promised!
CONNIE
Yeah, I said a lot of things.
ANNE
But that's not fair!
CONNIE
Who cares?
ANNE
What?
CONNIE
(sighs)
Moan, moan, moan. That's it.
That's the last straw.
ANNE
There were other straws?
CONNIE
All of your whinging, nattering
appeals to my conscience! I'm through
with it!
CONNIE grabs the briefcase of tapes.
CONNIE
Guess what! I have the tapes, and I don't need you any more.
ANNE
Oh yeah?
CONNIE
I'm getting on the plane.
ANNE
Oh yeah?
CONNIE heads off to the gate.
ANNE
Well... I'm done working with you!
ALEC
Goodbye Connie!
(ALEC reacts to something CONNIE does O. S.)
Oh... that was rude.
ANNE
(gathering the luggage)
She just takes the old team and
breaks it up.
JAYE
"Break it -- " Oh...
(JAYE pulls out the dragon)
That's just not fair!
ANNE plunks down in a seat.
ANNE
It was long overdue. I'll
quit this.
(a glint in her eye)
Now I can do what I really
love!
INT BARREL - NIGHT
JAYE, MAHANDRA, and ERIC are gathered at the bar.
ERIC
Emu farming?
JAYE
The video thing was just
to make her parents happy.
ERIC and MAHANDRA react.
JAYE
What? I'm a freak magnet. You
know this.
MAHANDRA
Wait a second. Why were
you at the airport?
JAYE
Getting the mouth-breather to
return a tape he stole when I told
him about their TV thing.
ERIC
You were concerned about their
TV thing?
JAYE
Yeah, 'cos they were blackmeh...
no reason.
MAHANDRA
Your boss stole a tape?
JAYE
After I told him about the show.
MAHANDRA
You -- why did you do that?
JAYE
Because I had to breh... y'know,
because I had to.
CUSTOMER
(O. S.)
I need more vodka!
MAHANDRA
(exiting)
Okay....
ERIC looks at JAYE curiously, grins, kind of shakes his head.
ERIC
I think you did the right thing.
Their whole relationship was just
a big lie.
JAYE
Well... sometimes a little omitting-
the-truth is okay.
ERIC
(pointing to the dragon)
Yeah -- like that 'heirloom.'
JAYE
What about it? It's honest.
It's jade. It's valuable.
ERIC
It's plastic.
ERIC shows her some fine print on it.
JAYE
"Made in Taiwan." This is
no heirloom! Bad dragon!
ERIC
You think maybe your parents want
an excuse to send one of you
over to your aunt?
(ERIC hands over the dragon.)
With a peace offering?
JAYE
Whoa.
ERIC
I still think honesty is better.
(a bit inward)
Otherwise people get hurt.
ERIC goes back to cleaning glassware.
JAYE
(to herself, looking at the dragon)
Sometimes it's hard to tell
people the truth.
(sad, still looking at the dragon)
Sometimes you just can't.
ERIC
Hey...
JAYE looks up, a bit surprised that she was overheard.
ERIC
You do what you can,
y'know? And it's our job
to be there, and to listen.
JAYE smiles. ERIC smiles.
SHARON
(O. S.)
Jaye.
JAYE turns around, sees SHARON.
SHARON
If I have to drag myself out here
one more time, I --
JAYE hands her the dragon.
JAYE
Here.
SHARON
Finally.
JAYE
Can I... go with you?
SHARON
Oh. Kay.
SHARON exits, looking perplexed. JAYE exits, looking thoughtful.
ERIC watches JAYE leave.
FADE TO BLACK.
END OF SHOW