My Name Is Earl - The Tri-County Skynyrd Invitational - Script
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. CRAB SHACK - DAY
Darnell puts up a sign that reads: "TCSI Starts Tomorrow
Night! Featuring 'El Leonardo Skeonardo'".
EARL (V.O.)
While my band practiced, Darnell
got the venue ready.
CUT TO:
INT. CIVIC MEETING ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK
DARNELL puts on a presentation for several MEMBERS OF THE
CIVIC BOARD.
Behind him is a whiteboard. Written on it:
crab shack
advantages:
* crabs
* jukebox (has skynyrd)
* everybody knows how to get there
EARL (V.O.)
He somehow convinced the locals to
put on the contest at the crab
shack.
BOARD MEMBER #1
But you don't even like Skynyrd!
GASPS from the board members.
Darnell shrugs.
DARNELL
I'm more of a Motörhead guy.
The board members AD LIB their grudging acceptance.
DARNELL
But I promise it'll be the best Tri
County Skynyrd Invitational since
1994.
The board members AD LIB their disbelief.
DARNELL
Or... since 2002.
The board members AD LIB that that sounds much more
reasonable.
Board Member #1 shakes Darnell's hand, and the other members
APPLAUD.
CUT TO:
INT. CRAB SHACK - DAY - BACK TO PRESENT
A frenzy of activity. A BANDSTAND occupies one half of the
venue, and the chairs are rearranged to face it. By the
bandstand, two WORKERS put up a large sign which reads:
Rules:
1. FBing is a 5-point deduction.
2. No bottle-throwin.
3. Judges decisions are FINAL!!!
By the bar, three other WORKERS assemble a LARGE GLASS CASE.
Joy tears through, and snaps to get the attention of one of
the workers with the sign.
JOY
We done changed that to a ten-point
deduction for FBing, ever since
that "Free Bird Overdose" in 2004.
WORKER #1
Oh, yeah.
The workers take the sign down, dispirited.
Darnell enters, carrying an OLD JACKET.
DARNELL
I got the Winner's Jacket!
All work stops. Everyone admires the jacket, AD LIBS various
expressions of awe.
EARL (V.O.)
Sure, there was a cash prize for
winning the contest, but the real
prize was getting to wear the
winner's jacket -- a jacket worn by
singer Ronnie VanZant at no less
than three different shows.
JOY
What y'all doin'? Y'ain't gettin'
paid to drool!
Work resumes. Darnell hands off the jacket to the glass-case
workers. Joy takes Darnell aside.
JOY
Darnell, I done found out you let
Earl take parts from our trailer!
DARNELL
Baby. He gave'm right back.
JOY
To fix somebody's hover-crafty?
DARNELL
It's karma, Joy. He's doin' good.
JOY
That don't mean he can take our
good and give it to the town
parade!
DARNELL
Just promise me you'll be fair to
him when you're judging the
contest.
JOY
He's entering the contest?!
Darnell nods.
JOY
(sinister)
Well. This 'karma' thing's a hoot,
ain't it?
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - DUSK
Rehearsal has been going on a while. The band, exhausted,
bangs the last chord of a "Down South Jukin'".
The suburban kid, and a dozen of his FRIENDS, sit quietly in
the driveway, watching. Randy sits with them.
EARL
I'll be honest. That wasn't good
enough.
MAD DOG MIKE
I knew it!
HAPPY EDDIE
We should just give up.
EARL
Give up?! Karma wants us to win
this contest. And karma wants us
to practice another hour or two
before goin' home.
The others are alarmed, but they go along with it.
The band starts the song again.
One of the kid's friends yawns and departs down the street.
EARL
It's gonna be great!
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Catalina sits at the little table, reading a SKYNYRD-RELATED
LIBRARY BOOK (titled Lynyrd Skynyrd and Post-Feminism: A New
Approach).
There's a whole STACK OF SKYNYRD-RELATED LIBRARY BOOKS on the
table.
Earl paces.
EARL
Tapewölf sucks! There's no way
we'll win anything!
Randy emerges from the bathroom, doing a series of dance
moves. They're actually Four-Tops-style dance moves, but out
of context, it just looks random.
CATALINA
Rock'n'roll is hard work, Earl.
Allen Collins had to do three hours
of takes for his solo on "Free
Bird". Just tell them to work
harder!
EARL
Yeah, I could --
(notices Randy)
Randy, what are you doing?
RANDY
(still dancin')
Practicing.
CATALINA
Practicing what?
Randy stops and goes back to the bathroom door.
Then he does all the Four-Tops-style moves in place, while
vocalizing various OOHS and AAHS.
He sounds pretty good.
Catalina and Earl have no idea what he's doing.
RANDY
I'm gonna be a backup singer! For
Tapewölf! It'll be great --
EARL
Randy, I'm the singer in this
family --
RANDY
But I wanna contribute.
Earl thinks about this for a second.
CUT TO:
INT./EXT. EARL'S CAR/STRIP MALL PARKING LOT - THE NEXT DAY
Randy waits in the passenger seat as Earl returns from a
small, run-down strip mall with a PAPER BAG.
EARL (V.O.)
So I found a way for Randy to
contribute.
Earl gets in the car, and hands Randy the bag.
RANDY
For me?
Randy opens the bag and finds... A DRUMSTICK and A COWBELL.
RANDY
Wow!
He BEATS THE HOLY HELL OUT OF IT, with no rhythm at all.
Earl recoils.
EARL
Randy, you just play it real quiet.
Earl starts the car.
Randy plays the cowbell as quietly as possible, engrossed.
CUT TO:
EXT. CRAB SHACK - NIGHT
MARIACHI MUSIC plays.
Signage: "First night of TCSI tonight! (dollar off PBR)"
CUT TO:
INT. CRAB SHACK - NIGHT
A MARIACHI BAND plays a mariachi version of "Sweet Home
Alabama".
The judges -- JOY, the OLD MAN, and a nebbish-looking SKYNYRD
EXPERT -- sit right next to the stage. They each wear a
"Judge" tag.
Earl, Randy (with his cowbell), and the band enter.
EARL (V.O.)
We took a short break from
rehearsals to check out the
competition.
The song finishes up.
JOY
Well that's ten points off for a
meandering solo that didn't go
nowhere.
MARIACHI #1
She's got a point, Gary.
Joy notices Earl and crosses to him.
EARL
(a bit oily)
So, looks like I know a judge!
JOY
Do you want a repeat of "The
Judging Scandal of '96"? And
besides, you done me wrong so many
times since you started on this
'list', you shouldn't ought to be
smilin' like that.
EARL
But karma is --
JOY
Karma is sayin' it's payback time.
Joy goes back to her seat. Earl just smiles, smugly.
EARL (V.O.)
Obviously, Joy was uncomfortable
with the fact that all those years,
she might have been married to a
'rock god' and never even known it.
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - THE NEXT DAY
Ron cuts out mid-song to take a cell phone call.
EARL (V.O.)
But it turns out, rock'n'roll is
hard when you're a grown-up.
Earl wrestles Ron's phone from him.
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - LATER
MAD DOG MIKE
Guys, I gotta work tonight at Club
Chubby's.
EARL
Just call in sick.
MAD DOG MIKE
(dubious)
On Tequila Night?
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - LATER
Happy Eddie nurses his hand in pain.
HAPPY EDDIE
My hand hurts.
EARL
Just play through it!
HANDSOME RON
Do you want him to hurt himself?
EARL
Handsome Ron, karma wants Happy
Eddie to play through the pain.
HAPPY EDDIE
Well, okay.
They go back to playing.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Earl goes over a schedule scrawled on a sheet of paper.
Next to the bathroom, Randy tries to synchronize his Four
Tops-style moves with playing the cowbell. (It works
poorly.)
The PHONE RINGS as Catalina RUSHES into the room.
Earl is about to answer the phone when Catalina SNAGS it.
CATALINA
Hello?
(short pause)
Yes?
(short pause)
YES! Thank you!
She hangs up.
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY - FLASHBACK
The old man is pushed along a gurney, looking like death, and
stone unconscious.
EARL (V.O.)
Turns out when Mike took the day
off, the old man dropped by the
club, drank enough tequila to kill
an elephant, and landed in the
hospital. This left a job opening.
CUT TO:
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY - BACK TO PRESENT
CATALINA
I am now a TCSI judge!
RANDY
That's great, Catalina!
Catalina GASPS.
CATALINA
Wait -- I can't fraternize with
you.
EARL
We don't want a repeat of '96.
RANDY
Yeah.
CATALINA
(exiting)
Bye, guys! Good luck!
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - DAY
Randy, cowbell in hand, does a trust fall -- he falls over
backwards, and Happy Eddie, Mad Dog Mike, and Handsome Ron
all catch him. They're having great fun.
Earl enters, stressed out.
EARL
What are you guys doing?! It's
showtime -- we've gotta get ready.
Crestfallen, they break it up.
CUT TO:
SERIES OF SHOTS:
(A) In Handsome Ron's garage, Randy sands down the tip of his
drumstick, taps it on the cowbell, is satisfied with the
sound.
(B) At the hotel, Earl picks a few bits of lint off his
"lucky Skynyrd shirt" and chooses between two nearly
identical TRUCKER'S CAPS.
(C) In Handsome Ron's driveway, Mad Dog Mike sits and reads
one of his anger-management self-help books. The suburban
kid reads over his shoulder.
CUT TO:
INT. RON'S GARAGE - DAY
Handsome Ron pulls up his van. The others load equipment
into it.
Randy absently knocks over a BASS GUITAR ON A STAND.
Earl jumps across the garage and catches it from hitting the
ground.
But we hear a RIP.
Earl looks down. He's torn his lucky shirt.
EARL
Craaa --
Halfway through the word "crap", Earl's voice cuts out, and
we only hear exhaling breath.
Randy jumps to his side.
RANDY
What happened?
Earl desperately tries to mime "I lost my voice."
RANDY
You tore your shirt.
Earl looks really desperately sad now, as he keeps miming.
RANDY
It's okay, Earl. I don't think it
really had that much luck anyway.
The rest of the band gathers 'round.
RANDY
And rippin' it might not hurt the
luck none. Might even make it
luckier.
Earl is still trying to mime. It's turning into charades.
HAPPY EDDIE
Wait a minute -- four words?
RANDY
Wait, it's -- "I lost my voice!"
YESSS! Earl grins and points at Randy.
The band cheers, but then realizes what that means.
Off the band's panicked and stunned response --
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO