"ST. ED'S PSA - SPYWARE"

               FADE IN:

               TEXT:  "spy*ware:  n.  Hidden software that reports on what
               you do with your computer.

                                   CHAD (V. O.)
                         Hey!  Free screensavers!



               EXT. ACADEMIC QUAD

               A flimsy TABLE with a PILE OF CDs.  A Russian MAFIOSI sits at
               the table.  The table has a SIGN that reads "Free
               Screensavers!".

               CHAD walks up to the table and grabs a CD.

               A click -- Chad has been handcuffed.

               More specifically, he's been handcuffed to a CLOWN.  The
               clown wears a NAME TAG that reads "Hello, my name is: 
               Spyware :)".  The clown is not overtly menacing; he just
               grins creepily.

               Chad is oblivious to the clown and the handcuffs.  He walks
               off, and the clown follows.



               SERIES OF SHOTS - CHAD BEING MONITORED

               In all but (B), Chad is typing away at his laptop, and the
               clown is reporting Chad's actions on a cell phone.

               A)  Chad's dorm room.

                                   CLOWN
                         Okay, here's his bank password.  Do
                         you have a pen?

               B)  Back at the academic quad, the mafiosi has his own cell
               phone, a pen, and a pad of paper.

                                   MAFIOSI
                         Da.

               C)  At the DMV.

                                   CLOWN
                         You would not *believe* what he's
                         saying about his history prof.

               D)  In the park.  Two girls pass by, and react to the clown's
               line with alarm.

                                   CLOWN
                         Wow.  He's IMming his mother and
                         searching for porn at the same
                         time.  That's just wrong.



               EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               A small, respectable-looking hospital.

                                   DOCTOR (V. O.)
                         I see your problem.



               INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

               Chad, handcuffed to the clown, looks sad.  An old,
               trustworthy-looking DOCTOR looks concerned.  The doctor
               gestures towards the clown.

                                   DOCTOR
                         You've got spyware.

               Chad notices the clown for the first time, gasps with alarm.

               TEXT:  "Not everything on the web is as free as it seems."

               TEXT:  "Be careful online.  For more information, see
               http://www.site.com"



               INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - LATER

               Chad and the clown sit on a hospital bed.  In the background,
               the doctor examines a hacksaw.

               Chad stares at the clown.  The clown is on his cell phone.

                                   CLOWN
                             (stage whisper)
                         Now he's just staring at me.
                             (softer whisper)
                         It's kinda creepy.

                                                       FADE OUT.