Austinville #6
                                  Tiffany and the Goths
                                          3:39pm

               FADE IN:



               INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

               TIFFANY shows the living room to INANNA and RUTHVEN (20s), an
               affable Goth couple. 

               The couple probably has a suburban family with 2.5 kids, a
               dog, and a minivan just itching to break out from under the
               black clothes and unnaturally-colored hair.

                                   TIFFANY
                         -- and it's all hardwood
                         throughout.

                                   INANNA
                         I love it.  Do you like it, honey?

                                   RUTHVEN
                         Sure, Innana.

                                   TIFFANY
                         I'm so glad to hear it!

                                   INANNA
                         And I'll be honest, the "haunted"
                         thing?  Is actually kind of cool.

                                   TIFFANY
                         It's so spooky!

                                   INANNA
                         I know this guy, he's a ghost
                         hunter, he'd go nuts.

               Ruthven rolls his eyes at the mention of the 'ghost hunter'.

                                   TIFFANY
                         I bet all your friends will love
                         it!

                                   INANNA
                         Ruthven, honey, we should look at
                         the basement one more time.

                                   RUTHVEN
                         Okay.

                                   TIFFANY
                         Take as long as you need.  I'll
                         wait outside.

               EXT. HOUSE - DAY

               Tiffany fiddles with her PDA.

                                   TIFFANY
                         "No signal?"

               Far away, an ELEPHANT TRUMPETS.  (No, really.  We'll explain
               this later.)

               As Tiffany puzzles over that --

               Inside the house, Inanna screams.

               Tiffany drops the PDA.

                                   TIFFANY
                         Crap.

               As she bends to pick it up, Inana and Ruthven come running
               out, terrified.

                                   INANNA
                         Forget it.  Never mind.

                                   RUTHVEN
                         I'm really sorry we wasted your
                         time.

                                   TIFFANY
                         But -- wait -- what --

                                   INANNA
                         WHEN YOU SAID THIS PLACE WAS
                         HAUNTED I DIDN'T THINK YOU MEANT
                         BLEEDING FACES IN THE MIRROR!

                                   TIFFANY
                         Oh.

                                   INANNA
                         Oh.  Oh, I get it.  Just because we
                         wear black and listen to early
                         Ministry that we'll put up with
                         ectoplasm running down the walls? 
                         I don't think so.

                                   RUTHVEN
                         We have standards, you know.

                                   INANNA
                         That's right, honey.

                                   TIFFANY
                         I'm sure you can negotiate --

                                   INANNA
                         Find another buyer.

                                   TIFFANY
                         But your friend -- the ghost hunter
                         --

                                   INANNA
                         He photographs *orbs*.  He doesn't
                         chase after spirits that manifest
                         as flying furniture and bleeding
                         handprints!

                                   TIFFANY
                         Tell you what.  We add an exorcism
                         as part of the contract.  Not even
                         part of the redecorating allowance. 
                         Free of charge.

                                   RUTHVEN
                         Well --

                                   INANNA
                         No.  C'mon, honey.

               The Goths leave.

               Tiffany fumes for a moment.  In a fit of pique, she flings a
               clod of dirt at the house.

                                   TIFFANY
                         That's it.  I'm getting a priest.

               A SPOOKY SOUND, not unlike distorted laughter, emanates from
               the house.