Austinville #1
                                       Ted Bungees
                                          3:38pm

               FADE IN:



               EXT. WOODS - DAY

               TED wears a shabby gray suit and hornrims.  He's in his
               thirties but is so uncool he seems prematurely middle-aged.

               He sits on a rock in the woods, talking on a cheap, clunky
               cell phone.

               Next to him sits a pile of bungee cords.

                                   TED
                         Melissa!  I have the elastic
                         cables, and I'm ready!

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         I'm going to do it!  "Life is for
                         living!"

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         This is Ted.  Late-shift Ted.  From
                         the desk.

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         Yes!  I'm going bungee jumping!

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         No, right now -- the old railway
                         bridge is just ahead.  I bought
                         some of those bungee cords, I've
                         got this harness --

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         Language!

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         That's where you come in.  I need
                         you to talk me through this.  Now,
                         do I attach the cables to my shoes,
                         or --

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         How hard can it be?  I attach one
                         end to the bridge, one end to the --
                         me, and --

               Beat.

               Note that by this point, Ted's pile of bungees has
               mysteriously disappeared.

                                   TED
                         Hey, people can die crossing the
                         street.  It doesn't mean --

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         It's not a ploy for your attention.

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         I appreciate the compliment, ma'am,
                         but there's no agenda --

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         Yes, skydiving with you would be an
                         okay substitute.
                             (sighs)
                         But I've got the bungees and
                         everything.

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         Fine.  I promise.

               Beat.

                                   TED
                         Hello?  Hello?

               Ted looks at the phone, puts it away, and goes to pick up his
               equipment.

               It's gone.

               We may or may not notice a NINJA (stealthy, black-clad -- you
               know the drill) peering out from behind a tree.

               Ted does not see the ninja; he sighs and exits.

                                                              FADE OUT.