The Adventures of Stetson McGraw
Episode 2: Stetson McGraw and the Round Rock Express
SCENE ONE: INTRO
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC
ANNOUNCER
Radio theatre presents: "The
Adventures of Stetson McGraw".
Episode two: "Stetson McGraw and
the Round Rock Express".
MUSIC: FADE OUT THEME MUSIC.
ANNOUNCER
In our first episode, the governor
of Texas brought Stetson McGraw out
of retirement to stop notorious
outlaw "Mad Dog" Doud from robbing
a train. When we last left off,
"Mad Dog" was on the train
incognito, and Stetson was lost in
the middle of nowhere, about to be
gunned down by Mexican bandits.
SCENE TWO: TRAIN TRACKS.
SOUND: BLUSTERING WIND. A DISTANT COYOTE HOWLS. A
RATTLESNAKE RATTLES.
SOUND: APPROACHING HOOFBEATS.
STETSON
(to himself)
What are they gonna do?
SOUND: GUNSHOT.
SOUND: A BULLET RICOCHETS OFF THE RAILCAR.
STETSON
Damn!
SCENE THREE: INSIDE THE ABANDONED FREIGHT CAR.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE TWO, ONLY MUFFLED.
STETSON
(muffled)
Stupid --
SOUND: A METAL DOOR SCRAPES OPEN.
STETSON
-- governor!
SCENE FOUR: THE WASTELAND.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE TWO.
SOUND: HOOFBEATS SLOW TO A STOP.
SOLDIER #2
He's hiding in the train!
SOLDIER #1 spits.
SOLDIER #1
Coward!
CAPTAIN
Nope. He'll hole up, find a good
place to sit, and pick us off as we
come in the door.
SOLDIER #2
Wh-who goes first?
SCENE FIVE: THE TRAIN.
SOUND: THE TRAIN CHUGS ACROSS THE COUNTRYSIDE.
SOUND: THE PASSENGERS CHEER.
SCENE SIX: THE DINING CAR.
SOUND: THE (MUFFLED) RUMBLE OF THE TRAIN. MURMURED
CONVERSATION. THE CLINK OF DINNERWARE.
SOUND: A FORK TAPS A GLASS SEVERAL TIMES.
DANDY
... and I propose a toast to the
gentleman who saved all our lives
from that miscreant!
PASSENGERS
Hear, hear!
DANDY
To Mister...
MAD DOG
Dowson. Kyle Dowson.
PASSENGER #3
The engineer?
DANDY
Well, yes! You can tell from his
outfit, my good man.
The passengers laugh at his joke.
SCENE SEVEN: INSIDE THE ABANDONED FREIGHT CAR.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE THREE, ONLY THERE ARE HOOFBEATS
APPROACHING.
SOUND: STETSON THROWS A TARP ASIDE.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ACROSS THE CAR.
SOUND: A THUD, FOLLOWED BY SOME METALLIC CLATTERING.
STETSON
OW!
SOUND: A CLICK, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD, LOW-PITCHED HUM.
STETSON
Huh?
SOUND: A 'PSSHHHT' OF ESCAPING STEAM.
SOUND: THE WALLS RATTLE.
SOUND: A RAPID SERIES OF CLICKS (CONTINUOUS).
SOUND: A METALLIC SQUEALING NOISE.
STETSON
Oh no.
SCENE EIGHT: THE WASTELAND.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE FOUR, ONLY WE HEAR THE CLICKING AND
SQUEALING FROM BEFORE.
SOLDIER #2
He's deploying the ramp!
CAPTAIN
There goes his cover.
SOUND: THE CLICKING AND SQUEALING STOP.
SOLDIER #2
What if he starts the prototype?
The Captain scoffs.
CAPTAIN
In the next ten seconds?
SCENE NINE: INSIDE THE ABANDONED FREIGHT CAR.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE SEVEN, EXCEPT ALL THE OUTDOOR NOISES
ARE MUCH CLEARER.
CAPTAIN
(in the distance)
I don't think so.
STETSON
A seat. This'll do.
SOUND: A FEW FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A SQUEAK.
Stetson sighs.
STETSON
(idly)
What's this?
SOUND: A CLICK.
SOUND: A STEAM WHISTLE RISING IN TONE. MECHANICAL CLICKS
AND CLACKS. A FLYWHEEL SPINS UP.
STETSON
Uh-oh.
SOUND: TIRES SQUEAL (CONTINUOUS).
Stetson screams.
SOUND: THE TIRES STOP SQUEALING.
SOUND: AN ENGINE VROOMS TO LIFE.
Stetson screams again.
SOUND: ALL THE NON-BACKGROUND SOUNDS DIMINISH IN THE
DISTANCE.
SCENE TEN: THE WASTELANDS.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE EIGHT, BUT WITH THE SCREAM AND THE
ENGINE STEADY BUT DISTANT.
Beat.
SOLDIER #2
Jefe?
CAPTAIN
At least he doesn't know how to
steer it.
SOUND: THE TIRES SQUEAL. THE ENGINE-SOUND CHANGES PITCH.
SOUND: ALL THE NON-BACKGROUND NOISES GET STEADILY LOUDER (AS
THEY APPROACH).
SOLDIER #1
He does now!
SOLDIER #2
Out of the way!
SOUND: THE TIRES SQUEAL.
Everyone starts coughing.
SOUND: ALL THE NON-BACKGROUND NOISES GET STEADILY SOFTER (AS
THEY DEPART).
SOUND: A GUNSHOT RICOCHETS OFF OF METAL.
The coughing subsides.
SOLDIER #1
There he is!
Soldier #1 gallops away.
SOLDIER #2
Jefe?
CAPTAIN
There's no hurry.
SOLDIER #1
But where is that old man going?
The Captain chuckles.
CAPTAIN
He's trying to catch his train.
SCENE ELEVEN: THE PROTOTYPE.
SOUND: LOUD ENGINE. WIND WHIPPING PAST. SO MANY RANDOM
MECHANICAL NOISES, ONE SUSPECTS THE MACHINE HAS BEEN PUT
TOGETHER WITH BUBBLE GUM AND DUCT TAPE.
STETSON
C'mon!
SOUND: THE TIRES SQUEAL. THE ENGINE WHINES.
SCENE TWELVE: THE DINING CAR.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE SIX.
The passengers all sing "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" -- all
except for DELIA, an eight-year-old girl:
DELIA
Mommy, that man is following the
train.
MOTHER
(humoring her)
Of course he is, Delia.
DELIA
He is!
MOTHER
Ooo! Will he follow us down the
ravine?
DELIA
Hmm.
SCENE THIRTEEN: THE PROTOTYPE.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE ELEVEN, BUT WITH THE TRAIN CLEARLY
AUDIBLE.
Stetson screams.
SOUND: THE TIRES SQUEAL.
SOUND: THE TRAIN NOISE SUDDENLY CUTS OUT.
SOUND: THE ENGINE LABORS.
STETSON
Dang it!
SCENE FOURTEEN: THE DINING CAR.
SOUND: SAME AS SCENE TWELVE, ONLY NOW THE TRAIN RUMBLE HAS A
SLIGHT ECHO.
DELIA
No. He went up the hill.
The mother sighs.
SCENE FIFTEEN: FREIGHT CAR #2
SOUND: THE RUMBLE OF THE TRAIN.
MAD DOG
Let's see...
SOUND: A 'WIND-UP' RATCHETING SOUND.
MAD DOG
There.
SOUND: A SNAP.
SOUND: A STEADY 'TICK-TOCK' SOUND.
SOUND: MAD DOG SCOOTS SOMETHING METALLIC ACROSS THE FLOOR.
SOUND: A RUSTLE OF FABRIC.
SOUND: THE 'TICK-TOCK' IS NOW ALMOST MUTED.
SCENE SIXTEEN: THE WASTELANDS.
SOUND: USUAL WASTELAND NOISES.
SOUND: HORSES SLOWLY CANTER FORWARD.
SOLDIER #2
How can we catch the old man?
SOLDIER #1
This is too slow!
CAPTAIN
He won't get far.
SOLDIER #1
He was going too fast!
CAPTAIN
Without much fuel.
SCENE SEVENTEEN: THE SLEEPING CAR.
SOUND: THE FAINT RUMBLE OF THE TRAIN.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES OPEN.
DANDY
-- course I put up a fight. Not
about to let some ruffian affront
an engineer on the greatest railway
in Texas!
BETTY
Wow!
SOUND: THE DOOR SLIDES SHUT.
DANDY
Very dangerous, of course.
SOUND: THE MUFFLED SOUND OF THE PROTOTYPE ENGINE.
BETTY
Is that him in that cart?
DANDY
What?
SCENE EIGHTEEN: THE PROTOTYPE.
SOUND: USUAL PROTOTYPE & TRAIN NOISES.
SOUND: THE PROTOTYPE ENGINE STARTS SPUTTERING.
STETSON
Huh?
SOUND: THE PROTOTYPE ENGINE CUTS OUT. (WE CAN STILL HEAR
THE TIRES ROLLING ON THE GROUND.)
STETSON
(gathering his courage)
All right.
SOUND: THE TIRES SQUEAL.
SOUND: THE SQUEALING CUTS OUT. (SO DOES THE TIRES-ON-THE
GROUND SOUND.)
Stetson screams.
SOUND: A LOUD 'THUNK'.
SOUND: THE LAST FEW NOISES FROM THE PROTOTYPE STOP.
SCENE NINETEEN: THE DINING CAR.
SOUND: THE USUAL 'DINING CAR' NOISES.
The passengers mutter nervously.
MOTHER
What was that awful noise?
Delia sighs.
DELIA
I told you!
SCENE TWENTY: THE SLEEPING CAR.
SOUND: FAINT RUMBLE OF THE TRAIN.
Both Betty and the Dandy wait, breathing nervously.
DANDY
What was that?
BETTY
I think the cart landed on us.
SOUND: METALLIC CREAKING NOISE.
The Dandy whimpers.
BETTY
What do we do?
DANDY
Just don't move.
BETTY
Okay.
SOUND: METALLIC CREAKING NOISE.
BETTY
Why not?
DANDY
Well... you see...
SOUND: VERY *LOUD* METALLIC CREAKING NOISE.
Betty and the Dandy scream.
SOUND: A LOUD CRASH.
SOUND: A FEW OF THE PROTOTYPE'S MECHANICAL CLICKS AND POPS.
Everyone coughs.
STETSON
(dazed)
It's okay. I'm a deputy.
SOUND: A FEW FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES OPEN.
SCENE TWENTY-ONE: SLEEPING CAR #2.
SOUND: SAME AS LAST SCENE, ONLY MUFFLED.
Betty and the Dandy cough.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES SHUT, CUTTING OFF ALL THE SOUNDS BUT
THE FAINT TRAIN RUMBLE.
MAD DOG
(calmly)
What have you done?
DANDY
Oh. Thank goodness. That dingy
gentleman crashed through our
ceiling!
MAD DOG
Why were you in the freight car?
BETTY
He's in the *sleeping* car!
MAD DOG
"He"?
BETTY
There!
MAD DOG
Oh my god.
SOUND: SEVERAL QUICK FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES OPEN AND SHUT.
SCENE TWENTY-TWO: SLEEPING CAR #1.
SOUND: TRAIN RUMBLE. RUSHING WIND.
MAD DOG
You... that's the land-speeder
prototype.
STETSON
Yeah.
MAD DOG
Did you drive it?! You drove it!
How'd it handle the open terrain?
How much distance did you cover?
How -- what was it like?
STETSON
(overlapping)
Wait a minute. You!
SCENE TWENTY-THREE: SLEEPING CAR #2.
SOUND: FAINT TRAIN RUMBLE.
SOUND: A FISTFIGHT IN THE NEXT CAR (MUFFLED).
DANDY
Let's go elsewhere.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.
SCENE TWENTY-FOUR: FREIGHT CAR #3.
SOUND: FAINT TRAIN RUMBLE.
SOUND: A FISTFIGHT IN THE NEXT CAR (MUFFLED).
SOUND: BREAKING GLASS.
SOUND: TWO BODIES HIT THE FLOOR.
STETSON
Time to take you in, Mad Dog.
MAD DOG
No!
SOUND: A PUNCH LANDS.
SOUND: A MAN SCRAMBLES ACROSS THE FLOOR.
SOUND: A METAL SCRAPING SOUND.
MAD DOG
Aha!
SOUND: A BUTTON IS PRESSED, OVER AND OVER.
MAD DOG
(desperate)
Why isn't it working?
Stetson grunts slightly (as he gets to his feet).
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
STETSON
(exasperated)
Mad Dog, what are you doing?
MAD DOG
It's supposed to activate.
Mad Dog grunts slightly (as he is subdued).
SOUND: THE CLICK OF HANDCUFFS.
STETSON
Uh-huh.
SCENE TWENTY-FIVE: THE LOCOMOTIVE.
SOUND: VERY LOUD TRAIN NOISE.
SOUND: A FURNACE DOOR CREAKS OPEN.
SOUND: FLAMES.
The ENGINEER has a loud, gravelly voice.
ENGINEER
Dammit!
SOUND: THE DOOR SHUTS; THE 'FLAMES' SOUND STOPS.
ENGINEER
Carl, we need more coal!
CARL (MUFFLED)
What?
ENGINEER
(louder)
More coal, or we'll get stuck in
Waco after nightfall!
SOUND: A SHORT WHISTLE REPEATED THREE TIMES (MUFFLED).
SOUND: A LOUD METALLIC 'LURCH' (MUFFLED).
CARL screams (muffled).
ENGINEER
Carl?
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES OPEN.
SCENE TWENTY-SIX: FREIGHT CAR #1.
SOUND: THE TRAIN RUMBLE.
SOUND: QUICK FOOTSTEPS.
ENGINEER
Carl, quit lyin' down when... He
suddenly stops.
ENGINEER
(whispered)
Oh god.
SOUND: ANOTHER SHORT WHISTLE.
ENGINEER
Huh?
SOUND: ANOTHER METALLIC 'LURCH'.
SOUND: TWO HUGE, POUNDING, REVERBERATING FOOTSTEPS.
ENGINEER
My lord!
SOUND: MORE 'LURCH' NOISES, WHISTLES, AND POUNDING
FOOTSTEPS.
ENGINEER
It's! Not! Human!
SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.
SOUND: A DOOR SLIDES SHUT.
SCENE TWENTY-SEVEN: THE LOCOMOTIVE.
SOUND: INCREDIBLY LOUD TRAIN RUMBLE.
SOUND: THE DOOR SLIDES SHUT.
The Engineer gasps for breath.
SOUND: POUNDING FOOTSTEPS (MUFFLED).
SOUND: POUNDING ON THE DOOR. ONCE, TWICE, THEN...
SOUND: THE DOOR IS SMASHED OPEN.
The engineer screams.
SCENE TWENTY-EIGHT: FREIGHT CAR #3.
SOUND: FAINT TRAIN RUMBLE.
SOUND: A FEW MORE CASUAL BUTTON-PRESSES.
STETSON
Me, I'd say it's just a box with a
button on it.
MAD DOG
You know what it's for. Or do you
do whatever they want, no questions
asked?
STETSON
(almost laughing)
I don't care what anybody wants.
SOUND: POUNDING FOOTSTEPS (MUFFLED).
Beat.
MAD DOG
(thoughtful and
distracted)
It activated after all. But... no
control system. Damn.
SOUND: POUDING FOOTSTEPS (MUFFLED).
SOUND: THE CAR RATTLES.
The engineer screams (muffled).
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.
STETSON
Mad Dog, tell me what's going on.
SOUND: A HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL, GETTING EVEN HIGHER IN PITCH
(CONTINUOUS).
SOUND: THE TRAIN ENGINE SLOWS.
MAD DOG
(still distracted)
It knocked the locomotive off
balance.
STETSON
WHAT?!
Mad Dog snaps out of it and reacts peevishly.
MAD DOG
The main locomotive axle is
shearing!
SOUND: AWKWARD FOOTSTEPS. JANGLING CHAINS.
STETSON
Sit down!
MAD DOG
We have to get off this train! Now!
SOUND: A GUN COCKS.
STETSON
(grumbling)
Stupid goddamn --
SOUND: THE HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL ENDS IN A LOUD 'PING'.
SOUND: A TRAIN WRECK.
SCENE TWENTY-NINE: OUTRO.
ANNOUNCER
Did anyone survive the wreck of the
Round Rock Express? What was the
purpose of Mad Dog's mysterious
button? Where did the 'prototype'
come from, and why was it on the
train?
MUSIC: THEME MUSIC
ANNOUNCER
Find out on our next exciting
installment of: "The Adventures
of Stetson McGraw"!